I can’t remember how long i must have been out there, but it looks like ages. I can still see the grey rocky waste of the Abyss in my dreams when i sleep at night. Years have passed since then and i am no longer the same man i used to be. Something changed me. Don’t ask where i’ve been since my divorce two years ago, but it has been one hell of a ride. It all started with a single strategy, divide to conquer. No one will probably ever understand how much i have been dividing and conquering myself. I went to the edge of my understanding and back. And that has been quite a journey. I’ve been reborn and reshaped during this long trip through reality and fiction. My mind used like a pendulum, swinging back and forth between both planes. Finding information, then using that information to reshape and train. I know i carry the one thing deep inside of me. Probably the most valuable thing people have ever been looking for; the building blocks of the philosophy of the world. If knowledge is power then this is god. I never felt so powerful in my entire life.

 “If then you do not make yourself equal to God, you cannot apprehend God; for like is known by like.” ? Hermes Trismegistus

I will always give thanks to those that deserve it. I dedicate all these writings to the voice within me; Avitas. It might cost me a lot of time to explain everything i’ve done to myself and all the things i’ve experienced, but time is at my side, literally. I’ve been granted access to an eternal pit filled with ancient knowledge about paradoxes and singularities, the building blocks of life and chain reactions. There’s no telling where this might end, since it’s a chain reaction. It will go on and on like a wave in an ocean until gravity regains control over it. How long that will take depends on the amount of energy released. I bet i am losing most people already at this point, but that`s ok. This story is not meant for people who haven’t trained their minds yet. In fact, knowledge can become very dangerous if it falls into the wrong hands. Think of nuclear energy. It has never been invented to destroy the world with it, but to supply it with useful energy. Anyway, i am slightly wandering off. It’s six a.m in the morning and i am barely awake. It’s hard to stay focussed on the job when my head is still filled with an endless stream of dreams trying to find their way into reality. It’s like i’m typing underwater. But it has been a while ago since i have posted on this page and the plan was to keep a steady flow of information coming. This one’s personal. It’s my own story, based on personal experiences. I can say everything in this story has actually happened but that wouldn’t be the complete truth. Fact is, i have been crossing the line between reality and fiction so many times it’s beginning to get a bit confusing to me. I’m partially shaped inside a world of dreams and partially shaped inside reality. I once made that division to make sure i wouldn’t be able to do harm to others and to break the destructive pattern my family send me on. It has been a successful strategy for over ten years, but something happened which i never expected. During all these years i lived as a divided human, i kept my destructive part satisfied by feeding it with warfare and destruction on a regular base through the fictional world of gaming. Just like everyone nowadays. I’m just one of the first ones to come out on the other side.A person shaped in this matrix filled with violence and death. Hell on Earth. Every experience we gain provides our mind with information and shapes our identity, even if the experience is a simulated one. That`s why pilots train inside flight simulators as well. Does this frighten you? Knowing how many people these days are actively becoming killing machines in a false reality, perhaps you should be. Not me. I have played games that go beyond simple slaughter. To the highest in ranks, warfare becomes a form of art, science and philosophy. A general paints the battlefield like an artist paints a painting.Only equals share understanding. There are no equals. No men like me, only me. I walked a thousand miles and back, through time, space and the edge of reality to purify myself of all the wrong information i carried. And if you consider the fact we are all being lied to from the day we are born there is a lot of wrong information to delete. A famous writer once wrote:”There is a hole in the pillar of truth”. It’s more than a hole, it’s a doorway to your dreams. An entire world which you have full control over. You are the grand architect and you have the power to shape your dreams in such a way it will define your reality. Where did you think this all comes from? You were probably never born if you’re parents didn’t have dreams of giving birth to a child and raising it together.
Plenty of time to explain how i came here later, fact is i am here and i am Avitas. Nothing will be able to change that anymore. I have been in so many simulated battlefields and learned so many different forms of strategy along the way that i eventually managed to slip through one of the most important ones of history, bread and circuses. Keep the people occupied and satisfied with food and pleasure to restrain them. Great power comes to the call of a need, and as long as there is no need there will not be power. It’s a good thing i am known for being very stubborn and rebellious. I got bored of living a satisfied and happy life. Somehow it didn’t feel right to let go of all my dreams and sacrifice them for a constructed form of happiness. It felt like i was killing an important part of me, and i almost did. However, deep inside i knew who was going to win this internal battle between who i am and who people want me to be. The most experienced half of course, Avitas. The part of me which i always kept hidden in a world of nightmares and fictional war. It’s free now, i am free. And that alone will change everything. War always circles around me like a flock of vultures and i can already sense it. Closing in slowly, trying to conquer, to subdue and to enslave. I will never give up. Even if i have to spend my entire life in combat to ensure my freedom. Millions of people died to protect personal freedom, i will live for it.That is what defines me. In reality, i have sacrificed friends, family, love and understanding of my people to re-create my personality. Most of them probably think i’ve lost it. Spending days alone, locked away in my house with nothing else then study, training and creativity. I do not watch tv anymore, i don’t play games anymore and i barely go out to have some fun. Personal growth is my entertainment. I thank the government and the people for the bread, but i like to keep playing my own games. Divide and conquer… And although i have no need for actual power to feed myself in reality, i can shape my thoughts in any way i want. I can still create the needs which the ruling powers don’t want me to create. A loophole in the strategic system. Things don’t need to be real to influence reality. Like time itself is not really what we think it is. And don’t tell me you never knew. There is a good reason why almost everyone on this planet has been late for an appointment several times in their lives. Time is a very personal thing. I have plenty of time and i have learned to stretch my time as well to make it go slower, but i know a lot of people are always running out of time. To them a year may pass in what seems to be barely a month. To me, a year takes forever. I experience so many things in a single year that by the end of it it seems like a lifetime has passed since the year started. Not quite what you would expect from a guy who lives a very peaceful life locked away in solitude, but things aren’t always what they seem to be. Once you start digging for the truth illusions will show cracks and you will learn to see straight through them. My current best friend is my former worst enemy, the side of me i once considered to be evil. This is probably the first time in my world i actually engaged a friendship in which there is an almost perfect balance. For all that i give i will receive. It’s a logical path which should have been predictable. Maybe i always knew there would be a time when i could not satisfy my destructive evil part by feeding it and distracting it like a politician. A time when Avitas would wake up inside me and come back into the world i’ve pushed him away from. Reclaiming the throne and take control of things. Lots of things are already changing, even time itself. I can barely remember my marriage, although it has been only 2 years ago. Time has slown down ever since, to the point where i sometimes wonder if people even have the time to know i am here? Probably not. They are so occupied with fulfilling their obligations towards society every day they barely have any time to make own choices. They have almost lost freedom of choice and identity in every form without even realizing it. Not me, i am cheating. I am a man who shows two different faces, one is that of a peaceful obeying civilian, the other is that of a rebellion. A warrior who will never give in to any of this.
“Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.” ? Sun Tzu, The Art of War
As a man, i am bound to so many rules of behaviour to fit my tactics and plans there is little space for me to make choices on the spot. Most of the choices i am forced to make have already been made a long time ago, when i chose creation over destruction. This means i cannot be manipulated or influenced. If you would have wanted to influence my choices you should have been beside me when i needed someone to stand beside me. I was alone when i made those choices. No one was there to pick me up, except for that one voice inside me. The voice who told me i was destroying my strongest part to satisfy people who weren’t even there for me when i needed them the most. I always resisted that call. I couldn’t anymore, i knew it was the truth. It was like a door slammed into my face and it took quite a while to understand these words. Maybe even months. I should have fought back harder, but it’s too late for that. All i can do now is reshape and recondition myself for things to come. I am one of the first to make the crossing, but i bet there are more like me. Waiting in the darkness until their chance rises. Preparation is everything. Have you ever realized that almost every human who ever lived on this planet has witnessed at least one war in his life? It is not the question if you will witness one as well, the only question is when. Could be tomorrow, next month or even next year. Are you prepared for what’s coming? Do you even realize the world is in constant war behind the scenes? Countries attack each other with manipulation, mind control, hacks and all sorts of plans and schemes on a daily basis. They just don’t tell you everything, all you know is what you need to know to do you’re part of the job. With so many countries today each playing their own game of chess on a board with hundreds of different parties and interests it’s just a matter of time before chaos will come. Am i already boring you? I never promised an easy ride. Maybe even the opposite, a very bumpy ride filled with sinkholes and flash floods, but it will be the biggest adventure you ever experienced. I do not make false promises on that one. You hang on there and i will bring you across the bridge between reality and fiction, set you off on a trail which will purify your soul and give you the ability to reshape and reconsider who you are. It’s never too late to come back from the grave. Think about it. Close your eyes for a few minutes and think of all the beauty you can imagine, does it match what you see when you open them again? I bet not. But it can, if you are willing to work hard enough for it. Time is not an issue. You want time? Just think of all the time you spend in a day to entertain yourself. Entertainment is a desire, not a need. You can easily replace it with training and study to fulfill true needs. I am sure this will give people at least 2 hours a day of constant change, which will have a very big long term effect. Time can be manipulated just as easy as humans. When in danger, a minute seems to last forever. So apparently emotions also influence the way you see time passing by. And me? Three hours have passed since i’ve started writing this. It feels like an entire afternoon has already passed by, but i am still waking up. Today will be a very slow day for me again. I already trained a bit with my sword and staff, listened to many music tracks and even read a few articles along the way. But only three hours have passed by since i woke up. Maybe i should give myself a bit of time, i’m the one doing all the hard work here. I can’t promise how long i will be gone, but next time i`ll get back with chapter three, i`ll bring a bit more excitement into it. Just be aware that this is my life, a careful mixture of fiction and reality. If you expect me to perform a miracle, then maybe you should perform one as well. Give and you will receive.