Once upon a time an ancient mystical race of superhumans roamed the Earth. Although direct descendants of society they broke loose from the matrix which keeps it together. Mostly damaged souls who walk a lonely road. Each searching for their own path towards light or darkness, vengeance or forgiveness. From the experiences of these mythical creatures legends were born. Stories of feared tyrants and beloved heroes fighting each other for the throne, a place neither of them deserved. They are the Nephilim, the ones that cause others to fall down. A pattern created in the middle of a chaotic society; giving what they have received. In ancient times the Nephilim ruled the Earth in a dominant way, by crushing all competition to guard their leading position. A strategy like that is doomed to fail, since it spreads the desire for vengeance and retaliation. It's not a surprise that after ages of suffering mankind decided to form an alliance to destroy these titans and take over. This is the beginning of civilisation; to find a mutual goal and combine strength to achieve things a single human could not achieve. Thousands of years have passed since then and nowadays the Nephilim are no more than a lost story from ancient books and legends. A shadow amongst the human race, no longer aware of their roots and struggling to survive in an environment that attacks everything they believe in. They are the ones closest to god, spreading either light or darkness by their freedom of choice.

 "Tell me some more about your past Avitas." Two young men both 30 years of age sit next to each other by a small stream in a deserted rocky environment. By the looks of both men they had quite a rough time lately, but their faces tell a different story. A tale of two enemies growing closer to each other every day. Why are you so interested?", the darker version of the two men answers, "I already told you it's all inside you, you just need to find it". "I tried, but i can't. Too much has been locked away in a forgotten part somewhere", his companion replies. Avitas laughs loudly, his voice echoing away over the planes."So you want to hear stories of glory, heroism and bravery to inspire? Well i have news for you friend, it all derives from despair. I don't remember much of it, but the things i do remember are hard to forget. There is this one story though" I never forgot it. About the king who ruled this world before the flood came. A special man who managed to unite all the regions and put an end to all wars for a while. His name was Solomon, does the name ring a bell?" "I guess, i've heard of a story from the bible, is that the one?", Sativa stares at his companion with deep interest."Could be", Avitas replies, "But the story i knew was not written down but passed on from ancestor to ancestor. Back in the days books were precious". He grabs a small stick from a pile next to the burning fire they sit at and throws it into the flames while he takes a deep breath. "They say the king had a key with which he could control the minds of both people and animals. But he lost his devotion due to decadence and the kingdom fell apart after years of peace and prosperity. Ever since my world is at constant war and i may be the only free man left in this place, except for you now of course". "Ok, So what makes it so interesting? Lots of people already know that story". Sativa looks at Avitas with doubt. "The funny thing is his kingdom fell down due to the same reason you can't raise yours. He became distracted by female beauty". He gives his companion a teasing pat on the shoulders. "Don't worry, we've all been there". His companion is clearly not appreciating the misplaced jokes coming from his friend but tries to hide it. "Is that all they taught you? There must be more", he replies with a voice that gives away a bit of his frustration. "There is always more. You think your civilisation is advanced? You only have nice toys, but your level of consciousness paid a heavy price for that. Mentally your species is mostly weak. Nothing compared to your ancestors extreme level of awareness". "Then what went wrong?", Sativa wonders. "What always goes wrong, we have the right resources but we make the wrong choices based on wrong information. You can't build a pyramid if the foundation is a lie. Your life has been one big lie so far, so i think you already found out how well you can build on that. It's not that you can't build a pyramid based on illusions, but you can't replace the truth with illusions. Truth like the sunlight shines above all". He grabs a small twig and starts drawing a picture of a six pointed star on the sandy soil. Three of the corners are dark, 3 of the corners are light. He draws circles around 3 opposites inside the star formed shape. "This is something i found while i was exploring a few tombs in Egypt years ago. I figured it must have been of great importance since it has been popping up in many different cultures on this planet. I believe this is what they call the seal of Solomon and it resembles the number Pi. The trick is to see beyond darkness, to think beyond madness and to live beyond death to read what has never been written down". His friend looks at him with disbelief and confusion. "I don't understand, how can you read what is not written?"."How do we see what cannot be seen? How do you create what has not been created before? With imagination my friend, the divine energy inside you. Imagination is more than just a dream of a fairytale or a nice artistic creation on a canvas, we design structure from imagination, retrieve information from it and our dreams even give us energy to move on when life almost makes it impossible for us to move on. It might be the most advanced source of energy, structure and information a man can find in this world, but many of your people gave it away for something less, mostly material property. You sold your dreams to live happily ever after, but people just never live so happily ever after. You should have placed your bet on a better horse". "It was never a matter of betting", his friend replies, "I just hoped it was my time to find happiness". "Then consider it to be a matter of betting from now on, because if you did that before you would have been more carefull wouldn't you? You know the rules of the game, you've been there all along, always denying who you truly are", Avitas replies. A silence fills the atmosphere and for a while neither of them feel like talking. Both men are lost in deep thought. One about what will happen to him once the illusions dividing them vanish, the other about what he will become once his teachings end. A single action will have huge consequences for both, an opposite decision then the one taken in the past. No division, but merge to set both free at last."Let's just continue training, i'm done thinking", Sativa whispers. His companion agrees with a single nod and both rise up. Neither of them seem very eager to start. "Do you really think we need to do this?",Sativa asks while staring in the distance with a face that doesn't hide much of his worries. "I'm afraid so mate. We started this, now it's time to finish it". The two disappear in the darkness of the night leaving nothing behind but a small pile of charcoal and ashes.

I'm staring at the screen silently while typing the last words. It's getting late but i'm not even close to tired. Only empty inside and maybe a bit lonely as well. It's been quite a project so far and i wonder if all writers get absorbed by their own story so intensively or if it's just me. Obsession is practically my middle name so it's not a surprise i would go so deep into this. I wonder if someone will be able to understand every bit of information stuffed in this project, but at least i tried. The urge to throw this whole thing overboard and go back to my old life is growing every day, but i'm trying to hold on as long as i can to a situation which induces internal change. Spiritual development which should increase my level of discipline and knowledge enormously. Maybe i shouldn't experiment with myself at this level, but life became boring and i needed a drastic change in order to regain my motivation. But that's not all. I have to understand what it's like to live under my own dominant behavior, to be a slave of my own mental and strategic manipulation so i can understand the pressure i sometimes apply to other people around me. It's almost enough to break a man mentally and physically, but i am still holding on to my own expectations. It's been a while, but i can finally say i am satisfied with who i am at this point. Only thing that still troubles me; what will i become? We are all created from mere illusions. People believe in the American dream, fairy tales, lies, fake images and special effects every day. They get shaped by it through inspiration. Even our democracy is really an illusion and deep inside we all know that. We need those dreams to hold on to reality, to have a creational purpose to avoid all the destruction we encounter. We created the illusion of democratic rights to avoid civil disobedience and make them feel like they are in charge, but the ones in charge are the ones shaping your environment and inspire you to become a product of their dreams. I fell through that matrix all the way to the bottom and found the key of the Abyss; the way our mind shapes our body around it and the way the heart gives it power. Information and energy inside a structure, three parts of the philosophy of the whole world according to Hermes Trismegistus. The funny thing about this experiment is it actually takes quite a while before i truly understand what these things i write about mean for me personally. It makes it pretty hard to even produce a single page, but also very interesting. This chapter is like a revelation to me personally and as i am writing these lines i am becoming more aware of the path i have chosen and the consequences that come along with it. Even if it never actually felt like i had a choice, i think someone made that choice for me. Now it feels more like i gave up fighting against my destiny. It feels a bit like are threat, but i have no other options left. I would have drowned if i would have continued to swim against this current. I put my hands on my desk and push by chair back while i try to stand up straight. My legs feel sore from training all day, but it makes me feel satisfied. I walk towards the mirror slowly and look at my reflection. To think this whole project is based on a simple mirror. I bet no one truly understands the magic doors hidden behind that mirror. I take a closer look, and while i am looking deep into my own eyes i can almost hear a voice whispering in my ears. "Time to come back my friend, we have more work to do". I walk back to the black couch in the center of my living room and while i slowly rest my body on the cold leather a rush of energy flows through my body. "See you soon my friend", are the last words escaping through my lips before i fall into a world deep beneath all layers of existence. The place from which everything we have ever created once found it's way out. Let's hope i'll be able to pull myself back from that world as well. Time will tell.
"We've been walking here for days now, is there a particular place we are heading to?", Sativa looks at his friend and the darkness surrounding them cannot hide his exhaustion. "Why do you wish to know? Is it so hard for you to keep going on without any knowledge of your destination? We are going nowhere, we've been walking in circles for the last 8 days, haven't you noticed? Any minute now we will reach the place we have been camping 2 days ago". "Are you sure? When did you found out?". "I knew it from the start thanks to simple logics, didn't you? Can you imagine how easy it is to fool you", Avitas smiles at his friend. "Ok, i'm done here! I can't handle your behaviour any longer, this project is finished". Sativa throws his gear on the ground and stares at his teacher. "I thought you said we were running out of time, this is wasting time. All you do is bragging about your power and annoy me to see how far you can push me towards the edge of sanity. Working with you is impossible, i can see why everyone in this world is so eager to kill you". Avitas shows no emotion at all, he's just staring at his student. "Then kill me if you wish, i`d like to see you try", he responds. "I know you too well to consider you as a threat and you know it. Do not underestimate me boy, i know more about strategy then you will ever find out. There is only one way, my way. You will understand sooner or later, every battle is decided before it begins". "We'll see, we are done talking", his student replies while he takes a seat on ground beneath them. For the rest of the evening the two men don't pay any attention to each other. They are both in deep thought, each with his own purpose. The student wonders if his master is only trying to see how far he can push him before he snaps, while the teacher wonders what it will take to awaken the parts of his students awareness from the deep hypnotizing effects of a society based on bread and games.
I'm up only two hours after i fell asleep. My entire rhythm has changed and nowadays i only need a few hours of sleep to feel fully rested. I can't remember much of the dream i had last night, but it had something to do with circles and the number Pi. My dreams are getting shorter as well, but continue to provide the same amount of information. I try to describe them as detailed as i can, but it's nothing more than a collection of shards at the moment. Shards from broken dreams, crushed by all the information i gathered to write this single one. I think it's fair to say i might have sacrificed my personal identity for it, but it never made me proud anyway. Perhaps it's not even my identity which i sacrificed, but simply the programmed mindstate my environment has put inside of my mind for the past thirty years to shape me into a functional piece of the machine we call society. It just doesn't work that way. I have no function in a dysfunctional system and i am not the type of man that would lie to himself to create an illusion of perfection. I'm not the only one having problems with society nowadays. I keep finding more people like me, Nephilim i call them. People who don't believe in the system which created them any longer after they got damaged by it. I consider them as my family, since we all grew up with constant struggles and where all sacrificed for someone else's happiness at some point in their lives. Most of them had deep feelings for the ones who sacrificed them. Their heads are filled with doubts, insecurity and questions that might never be answered. Was i that bad? Do they hate me? Am i worthy? Do i even deserve to live? Questions which are the foundation for the roads they walk, the fool's journey towards wisdom and enlightenment. I love them all and since i learned more about how our environment shapes our personality i am finding more of them every day. It's like i am finally coming home after years of searching in an alien world where everything feels like it's against me. Sometimes it feels like i have lost the best part of me along the way; my patience, my forgivingness, a large part of my emotions and even a part of my humor. I don't smile much nowadays. There are still times when it comes back a little and i manage to make a few jokes, but most of them are more a sarcastic comment than a true joke. Nonetheless, i am proud of who i am. That doesn't sound like much, but for a guy who always hated himself it's practically like turning lead into gold. It all comes back to the same formula; energy always flows towards emptiness according to the laws of attraction. Even gravity is nothing more than matter getting pulled into a vacuum. There is nothing pulling me at this time, i am the vacuum. Locked away in a house hiding from society, an empty vessel waiting to get refilled by something from beyond this world. Nephilim, a man who causes others to fall since we automatically create our equals by following natural patterns of social interaction and evolution. The only difference between me and most of my kind is probably my level of strategic awareness. I recognize my natural behaviour patterns and like to try to escape the predictability of it. So what does that make me? A natural rebel? Disobedient? Maybe we were never meant to obey, but simply to create in our equal. In that case i only have one goal left; trying to change the natural patterns of revenge spread by my own kind. Create equals from those who are nearly equal by awakening them and change their patterns from natural to supernatural. Not to give what we have received, but to forgive without any expectations of reward or improvement. I still believe we can all come back from darkness, but until i find a way out myself i will be locked away into emptiness...
Silence speaks.
Darkness blinds,
vibrations flow from the spine to the mind.
Every touch intense,
every movement calculated.
Neither lost nor forgotten,
simply unfound.
"I understand..", the young man by the name of Sativa replies to his master. "I'm not going to explain, but i understand and i apologize, i should have known better". It's been quiet for hours as both men did nothing besides digging for answers in their mind. "It's fine, no apologies", Avitas replies. "It's just a natural process of resistance against change. I understand as well. I guess that makes us a bit more equal. I'm just glad to see you improving, although i never doubted you would. I just figured it might take awhile to get through to you, you are just as stubborn as i am. Isn't that amazing? Two natural enemies meeting in an unnatural environment to erase our differences through teachings". He picks up a small piece of fresh cut wood which lies next to a small campfire they made right next to a pile of rocks. It's a repeating structure they use to give shelter against the cold wind while it also protects the fire from burning away too quickly. The flames are slowly eating their way through the structure, transforming it from a light color to a dark substance. "Change can be a painful process, a bit gruesome to watch from time to time. Still it is needed to ensure survival. We synchronize according to the signals we receive from nature and evolve or we refuse and we will be erased and forgotten. Just another failed experimental mutation". "How can you know things i don't know while you are a product of my mind?", Sativa asks. "It doesn't make any sense to me". He stares at the rising flames of the fire in front of them. "You always knew, you just couldn't accept all the facts you were gathering so you pushed them away with your personal opinion. I received all the information you couldn't comprehend and i had no choice but to accept what you gave me and use it to my advantage. And i did until you gave me the right information to break the pattern and return the favor. Your self-destructive behaviour will end here. It's time you gather the right information. The parts of the puzzle you need to become yourself again. No more internal division, but the beginning of a road that leads to completion. And i will provide you with information from now on. I will shape you as you have shaped me, in dreams. Next time i see you things will be differently. You will lead me and i will follow you like a lost puppy. Make sure you are ready for it, this won't be an easy ride". Avitas grabs a handful of sand and pebbles from the ground and throws it on top of the fire. Instantly everything becomes dark.
I turn my head but the man i just spoke to in my dreams is gone. Everything is gone, only emptiness. Absence of everything, except me. Why am i here? I try to walk, but my feet aren't even touching anything solid, i'm just floating in an endless vacuum with nothing in sight. It frightens me, am i dead? "Can anyone hear me!", i scream loudly but somehow i can only whisper. The urge to panic is huge, but i try to stay focussed and remember the lessons i've learned. I inhale slowly through my nose, but it doesn't feel like any oxygen is filling my lungs. Disoriented and confused i decide to wait and see what happens. Since i am not in control any longer, all i can do is respond to the next opportunity that comes. So instead of taking action, i wait. Alone in the darkness, empty inside and waiting to be found. But until then, i am neither lost or forgotten. Only a mystery waiting to be discovered.